Latest Reviews

65766evol.jpgWrought Iron 2 - Return of the Wookies
This event happened about eight years ago. We found this review in our archives. We didn’t publish at the time because, well, we forgot. So for those who remember this night, enjoy the nostalgia!
Posted: 2014-02-16 @ 15:23:59 in articles > reviews
866351-(2).jpgRAMFEST 2012
A Day of Chunder
Posted: 2012-03-19 @ 13:08:21 in articles > reviews
16358rtr.jpgROCK THE RIVER 2011 REVIEW
It’s now a full 15 days since the Hogs struck midnight on the Main Stage at Rock the River 2011 in a thundering mash-up of their best tunes from their illustrious decade or so in the business.
Posted: 2012-01-16 @ 10:35:40 in articles > reviews
605766020692569_1f74444406.jpgMetal 4 Africa Winterfest 2011
If you read through this entire article, you will in fact be rewarded with some hot tit photography...
Posted: 2011-10-16 @ 09:18:07 in articles > reviews
71934markhelna.jpgWORLD GOTH DAY AT VOOM VOOM
Posted: 2011-05-24 @ 17:48:07 in articles > reviews
10617blue-valentine-movie-review.jpgReview: Blue Valentine
We’re Damaged people
Posted: 2011-05-09 @ 23:30:03 in articles > reviews
65146metalritespic.jpgMind Assault Metal Rites Review & Competition
This is a kick ass EP. Probably the best local extreme metal I have heard.
Posted: 2011-04-07 @ 09:41:56 in articles > reviews
11697teaparty.jpgThe Flamjangled Tea Party and some things that happen in Cape Town Here and There
I love you guys, but seriously, fuck you.
Posted: 2011-04-05 @ 22:07:03 in articles > reviews
76671100_0497.jpgRAMfest Durban
Ramfest-Visual Feastival in Durban
Posted: 2011-03-23 @ 17:46:59 in articles > reviews
19664img_7135.jpgRemembering RAMfest - Part 2
I stayed there. I even left late.
Posted: 2011-03-11 @ 16:47:49 in articles > reviews
11282img_6579.jpgRemembering RAMfest - Part 1
I remember. Probably even better than Dorothy.
Posted: 2011-03-11 @ 09:43:43 in articles > reviews
15275img_4142.jpgSuicide Gary
Take 1x nerd, dissolve in a room full of stilettoed women. For charity, of course.
Posted: 2011-03-01 @ 15:24:37 in articles > reviews
18369marcia.jpgBlack Swan
Dancing the Dark side.
Posted: 2011-02-28 @ 12:52:00 in articles > reviews
8ramm.jpgRAMMSTEIN live in SA
Rammstein. Rammstien! RAMMSTIEN! Sex ist eine schlacht Liebbe ist Krieg and a bunch of other words I don’t understand.
Posted: 2011-02-18 @ 12:28:12 in articles > reviews
sdc15306.jpgCrush(ed) with Eyeliner
I hang with the Doors crowd like the alt-poser I am, and feel right at home among the wannabe rockers.
Posted: 2011-02-16 @ 16:51:35 in articles > reviews
img_5782.jpgUp The Creek
Sex dolls as flotation devices. Also, some bands.
Posted: 2011-02-16 @ 11:52:12 in articles > reviews
img_3866.jpgThe Third Annual Southern Ink Xposure
We like tattoos and people that have ’em! Do you?
Posted: 2011-02-10 @ 14:16:18 in articles > reviews
hornets-nest-poster-image002.jpgReview: The Girl who kicked the Hornet’s nest
The real Dragon behind the smoke screen
Posted: 2011-01-10 @ 22:24:42 in articles > reviews
5.jpgRock the River New Years Eve 2010
Well, not having attended last year’s Rock The River 2009 New Years Eve Festival at the Breede River, we had few expectations of the 2010 sequel at the Berg River.
Posted: 2011-01-07 @ 15:36:35 in articles > reviews
400px-china_mieville.jpgChina Miéville writes urban fantasy just the way you like it
What does one say about a fantasy author who once called JRR Tolkien “the wen on the arse of fantasy literature”? Well, after one has looked up wen in the dictionary (a benign encysted tumor of the skin, esp. on the scalp, containing sebaceous matter; a sebaceous cyst –, one calls said author a genius.
Posted: 2010-12-22 @ 16:28:37 in articles > reviews
the-girl-who-played-with-fire-movie-poster.jpgReview: The Girl who played with fire
Pain Darker than Black
Posted: 2010-12-22 @ 15:45:10 in articles > reviews
156321_10150328846910790_845535789_16033198_2774683_n.jpgArt Pereira’s Farewell Mash-up Gig, Mercury 1/12/2010
You know Art Pereira. Even if you don’t know that you know him.
Posted: 2010-12-02 @ 14:41:01 in articles > reviews
synergyv-crowd.jpgSYNERGY LIVE 26-28Nov 2010
*Great Weekend, Great Vibe, Great Style and Great Apes!*
Posted: 2010-11-29 @ 22:06:24 in articles > reviews
alteye no imageDan Patlansky at the Cape Farmhouse Restaurant, Red Hill
Afternoon Feel-Trip
Posted: 2010-11-28 @ 12:27:20 in articles > reviews
alteye no imageNatasha Meister at The Red Herring, Noordhoek
Not Just a Pretty Face
Posted: 2010-11-28 @ 12:12:55 in articles > reviews
alteye no imageThe Crazies: Reviewed
Ah, the American dream…Ogden Marsh, the idyllic and undisturbed town where kids still ride their bicycles, farmers grow crop in harvesting season, and the community gather to watch their teams play baseball. Undisturbed until the dream sours.
Posted: 2010-11-25 @ 08:45:40 in articles > reviews
alteye no imageMedal of Honor: Tier 1 - Reviewed
For those of you who haven’t played it before, Medal of Honor was one of the games that set the benchmark for military based first person shooters
Posted: 2010-11-15 @ 20:55:33 in articles > reviews
alteye no imageKORN - III: Remember Who You Are - Reviewed
And then there were four, and then there were three... oh wait, now it’s back to four
Posted: 2010-11-15 @ 20:25:41 in articles > reviews
girl-with-live-dragon-tattoo.jpgThe Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Reviewed
Everyone has secrets
Posted: 2010-11-12 @ 06:47:52 in articles > reviews
100_0021.jpgBurn: Halloween
A night out of reality and into the realm of the free spirited at Burn Nightclub’s Halloween party.
Posted: 2010-11-04 @ 10:35:49 in articles > reviews
antichrist-movie-poster.jpgAntiChrist Reviewed
Parable of Anti-Harmony= Discordance
Posted: 2010-10-31 @ 00:53:41 in articles > reviews
stone.jpgStone Sour - Reviewed
Never before has Stone Sour been so far removed from the “other” band than on this album.
Posted: 2010-10-31 @ 00:45:03 in articles > reviews
blackcountryalbum.jpgBlack Country Communion
The album that deep purple should be making.
Posted: 2010-10-31 @ 00:26:25 in articles > reviews
header.jpgRocking The Daisies - Reviewed
I’ve arrived at the Darling Wine estate with my friend Megan, and it’s both of our first times
Posted: 2010-10-31 @ 00:12:16 in articles > reviews
ian_curtis2.jpgJoy Division and "Control"
The Ian Curtis biopic and the powerful music of Joy Division
Posted: 2010-10-28 @ 14:21:17 in articles > reviews
times-of-grace-pic.jpgTime of Grace
Nils discovers Times of Grace.
Posted: 2010-10-27 @ 00:58:07 in articles > reviews
the-horus-bar-ladies.jpgThe New Zealand Cover Girls in Cape Town
About a month ago, Facebook and other such sites were aflutter with the news of an impending Kiwi invasion. We were warned that we would never be able to resist this particular form of assault.. And boy were we unprepared.
Posted: 2009-10-28 @ 13:32:59 in articles > reviews
weekend-warriors.jpgThe Weekend Warriors: Canadian band that is actually REAL PEOPLE!
So it’s a Wednesday night and I had an invite from Wadda, you remember, to come through and listen to something unique to our little Republic of Cape Town.
Posted: 2009-10-22 @ 09:45:50 in articles > reviews
dsc03797.jpgThem Tornadoes at Speedway Cafe 105 - 12 September
A quasi-informative, largely unhinged spiel about psychobilly, angry ramblin’s, and a review of Them Tornadoes.
Posted: 2009-09-15 @ 10:47:01 in articles > reviews
goddess-shiva.jpgGODDESS SHIVA – Goddess Shiva
Goddess Shiva features some excellent guitar work backed by Matt Sinner’s trade mark voice
Posted: 2009-09-09 @ 11:03:48 in articles > reviews
3-legged-dogg---frozen-summer.jpg3 LEGGED DOGG - Frozen Summer
When a few elite musicians, originating from some of Metal’s finest acts decide to come together
Posted: 2009-09-09 @ 10:32:11 in articles > reviews
kiko-loureiro---no-gravity.jpgKIKO LOUREIRO - No Gravity
Kiko Loureiro is considered one of the most talented musicians
Posted: 2009-09-09 @ 10:16:35 in articles > reviews
scarsym.jpgScar Symmetry’s Pitch Black Progress
You know, Swedes are very unique people, their greatest gift being the
Posted: 2009-09-01 @ 23:55:22 in articles > reviews
we-are-gathered-here-today.jpgGlass Casket: We are gathered here today.
Now before I go and give details about this band and its music, let me just tell you something about me first!
Posted: 2009-09-01 @ 22:59:31 in articles > reviews
lamb-of-god-wrath-2009.jpgSpeed metal theory and practice with Lamb of God.
Is the new Wrath album too ’textbook’?
Posted: 2009-09-01 @ 17:40:36 in articles > reviews
hail-to-the-gods-of-metal!.jpgUnderworld Crimson Kiss
This is probably the most drunk I’ve ever written. Thank spelling for Godcheck.
Posted: 2009-08-31 @ 12:00:37 in articles > reviews
5214_124225432281_684402281_2818060_5724694_n.jpgThe Purple Turtle’s Re-Launch
Finally allowed inside the adult video store.
Posted: 2009-08-31 @ 10:54:19 in articles > reviews
img_4693.jpg80’s for the hell of it
Dorothy & Toto go 80’s for the hell of it, and other adventures.
Posted: 2009-08-21 @ 13:04:27 in articles > reviews
dsc03704.jpgMinistry of Lost Souls, Symphonic Schizophrenia, Strident - 15 August
What happens when you mix Crackle Pops and Coke?
Posted: 2009-08-19 @ 03:31:13 in articles > reviews
img_1740.jpgSchool of Heavy Metal 7 August 2009
R.O.A.R. & Mordor
Posted: 2009-08-12 @ 21:58:20 in articles > reviews
dsc03621.jpgOdian and Marching Dead at Eye of Horus
Between buyin’ beers and judging others, we take some time to review Odian and Marching Dead rock out with their proverbial farm animals out at Eye of Horus.
Posted: 2009-08-12 @ 18:03:58 in articles > reviews
n94908687930_3899.jpgMetal Hamsters run wild
Metal show at ROAR featuring 6 heavy bands
Posted: 2009-08-10 @ 01:03:04 in articles > reviews
mind-assualt-dvd1.jpgMind Assault DVD Review - F*# voort en Suip baie
Imagine a kaalkop slapping the naked ass of a “flapping” flashing sexually disturbed metal-head whilst an un-expecting of the circumstances around him beer bonging drunkard is trying to swallow. Not an unusual scene from the boys of Mind Assault and friends.
Posted: 2007-10-16 @ 21:24:21 in articles > reviews
theonion.jpgThe Onion dot Com
Phil wastes time at work browsing The Onion - here are his thoughts.
Posted: 2007-10-16 @ 15:06:06 in articles > reviews
slayer-christillusion.jpgSlayer - Christ Illusion
Everybody knows what to expect from a Slayer album: energy, aggression, speed and a violent view of realty. Despite this predictability, or perhaps because of it, Slayer play this kind of music better than anyone I’ve ever heard.
Posted: 2007-10-16 @ 14:30:58 in articles > reviews
albumcover.jpgCandlemass - King of Grey Islands
Here we are in 2007 with a new CANDLEMASS album after 2 years have passed since the previous one. Already.
Posted: 2007-10-16 @ 14:25:29 in articles > reviews
paradise-lost---in-requiem.jpgParadise Lost - In Requiem
GOOD: beautiful, simplicity, packaging, songwriting BAD: similarity, longevity factor
Posted: 2007-10-16 @ 14:03:26 in articles > reviews
little_white_flowers_3_by_hakanphotography.jpgdeviantART Review
Save the deviousness of art - save the world!
Posted: 2007-10-16 @ 14:00:00 in articles > reviews
img_0320.jpgMetal 4 Africa - Klein Libertas Theatre
A gonzo account of a debauched haze of suedo hatred and lust.
Posted: 2007-10-16 @ 01:11:04 in articles > reviews
old-man-2.jpgWrought Iron
Strange occurances are reported to have uh ... well occured. Ainz reports.
Posted: 2006-03-15 @ 21:54:13 in articles > reviews
girly-kiss.jpgRock the Bay (2005)
An excursion by Phil and crew, with real celebrities an’ all!
Posted: 2006-03-15 @ 21:25:26 in articles > reviews
doomorgy1.jpgRoberson Rocks (2005)
3 Alteye members participate in the deflowering of the sleepy town of Robertson.
Posted: 2006-03-15 @ 20:20:09 in articles > reviews
lights.jpgArch Enemy live at the Cardiff Coal Exchange
Supported by: Throwdown, Strapping Young Lad
Posted: 2006-03-15 @ 18:37:49 in articles > reviews
harry.jpgHarry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Is seeing the kids get older and strangely hotter worth the time it takes to watch it?
Posted: 2006-03-15 @ 13:36:11 in articles > reviews
A deeply disturbing horror experience, or maybe just another gory yawn fest - find out what Oscar thought.
Posted: 2006-03-15 @ 13:31:28 in articles > reviews
acid-alex-cover.jpgAcid Alex - by Al Lovejoy
Hailed as the greatest intrinsically South African piece of literary work this decade;Acid Alex will have you laughing, cringing, and crying all in the space of one super smooth chapter.
Posted: 2006-03-15 @ 12:10:37 in articles > reviews
untitled1.jpgMind Assault: Social Engineering
Until now I have only ever seen Mind Assault as a live band, never been able to compare their gigs to studio work, and have never been disappointed...
Posted: 2005-11-07 @ 14:33:21 in articles > reviews
constantine-opt.jpgNeil Gaiman
There’s something cathartically profound in the absolute desecration of one’s physical body and surroundings in order to feed the mental hunger to complete a superior book. Authors experience it all through the birthing process, the missed meals and showers culminating in a truly horrific picture of a human being.
Posted: 2005-11-07 @ 10:52:22 in articles > reviews
Neverwhere is a general must read, yet it is even more prominently so if you have ever lived in or visited London . The story subverts the dreary grey and green that is London into the darkest shade of black and bloody splattered red that is Gaiman’s underworld.
Posted: 2005-11-07 @ 10:41:23 in articles > reviews
sandman2-opt.jpgThe Sandman Series
The Sandman was an industry redefining graphic novel series, created in ’89 it ran through the 90’s -era of grunge, cybersex and Jay and Silent Bob.
Posted: 2005-11-07 @ 10:38:25 in articles > reviews
wolves-opt.jpgThe Wolves in the Walls
I know most of our readers will have absolutely no intention of browsing the kiddie’s picture book shelves at their closest Exclusive Books; you would, however, be surprised at the macabre and depraved things children find amusing. I would think Roald Dahl would be the point and case.
Posted: 2005-11-07 @ 10:27:24 in articles > reviews
averylong_opt.jpgA Very Long Engagement
I should have known by the title that this would be a long movie. Sometimes that most obvious things are right in front of your face but choose to ignore them because you so badly want to like a movie. A Very Long Engagement is not a bad movie, its just that its too long...waaaay too long.
Posted: 2005-11-07 @ 10:18:25 in articles > reviews
sea_inside_215[1].jpgThe Sea Inside
It must be really difficult to make a movie about euthanasia without making it really depressing. Before watching this movie I read reviews that said it was an uplifting movie, I’m not sure that I agree.
Posted: 2005-11-07 @ 10:15:26 in articles > reviews
Let me start off stating that I admire Darren Aranofsky’s work. I think he is one of the best directors working today. The problem is that he has only made two movies so far and must still prove his longevity. His track record is admirable and the quality of his movies increase each time. Pi was is first major feature and is an astounding piece of work, though not perfect.
Posted: 2005-11-07 @ 10:12:40 in articles > reviews
imgp0147.jpgMITSOO - WHO?
Due to my ever growing intrigue towards babes and machinery, I quickly signed myself and photographer Ainz up for a night of canned black labels and something poles apart.
Posted: 2005-11-07 @ 03:14:51 in articles > reviews
hoer_remoer.jpgHoer and Remoer rock Woodstock 7 with their cocks out.
Two Cape Tonian metal head hillbillies - Hoer & Remoer - found themselves on drunken binge at Woodstock 7. Here are their findings.
Posted: 2005-11-07 @ 02:33:57 in articles > reviews
fray-pic.jpgJoss Whedon’s Fray
As a long time fan of the Buffy and Angel series I waited a hell of a long time to get my hands on this.
Posted: 2005-09-15 @ 23:48:35 in articles > reviews
super1.jpgSuperheroes can suck my cock!
When will the madness stop?! I thought that Catwoman would have made the rest of Hollywood a little bit more cautious when it comes to superhero movies. It seems that every week there is a new superhero movie showing. Soon there will be no more good superheroes left and will get the lesser known heroes like Cattleman and Cleaning Lady! Oh the pain...
Posted: 2005-09-15 @ 08:08:08 in articles > reviews
103.jpgBLOOD MOON: The Wedding of Kurt and Maree
August celebrated the marriage of two of Cape Town Alternative scenes most charming creatures and proud supporters, Kurt and Maree, with an eccentric wedding at Oude Molen Village. Fair enough; there were rings, an alter, and an isle or sorts. But throw in some leather. Slit and drip in an ounce of metal. Cast a little spell. And you have Blood Moon: spelt in a similar vein to Shock Therapy, but less of a theme party - and more of a dark affair.
Posted: 2005-09-15 @ 02:23:54 in articles > reviews
lemony.jpgLemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events
I just didn’t get it. Maybe I fell asleep or maybe I’m just not intellectual enough (note my sarcasm) but there just doesn’t seem to be much to this movie. Sure it looks pretty, there is some good acting (from Meryl Streep as usual) but that is where it ends. The title should rather have been a ’series of random events.
Posted: 2005-09-15 @ 01:02:08 in articles > reviews
From the writer of the magnificent wit’ch quintet comes the equally gripping new series Shadowfall. Tylar de Noche was a shadow knight before his disgrace, and now he haunts disreputable places as a mere crippled shadow of his former self.
Posted: 2005-09-15 @ 00:32:56 in articles > reviews
alteye no imageDan Who?
Jo gives us the darker side of Dan Brown, the evolution of the book page, and whats to come.
Posted: 2005-08-15 @ 23:11:12 in articles > reviews
imgp0194.jpgBus Assault
In the sequel to the ear shattering terror and shock rocking adventures of the first Worcester Bus, Alteye’s two less than capable journalists - Ainz and Ant- were there to record the events of that fateful night.
Posted: 2005-08-15 @ 10:07:03 in articles > reviews
100_0361.jpgThe Diary of Ayns: Worcester Bus 1
A diary of a man who felt the twisted terror of the first Mind Assault bus...
Posted: 2005-08-15 @ 00:12:11 in articles > reviews


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